Belonging and finding 'my people'

Thoughts from a community member navigating a life in sobriety.

“I’ve been thinking quite a lot recently about what the recovery community means to me, and I suppose the phrase that keeps coming into my head is “my people.”

That’s genuinely how I see you all.

For a long time, I thought recovery was something I had to do on my own. I’d try to stop drinking, get myself back together, get on with life and convince myself I could manage it independently.

But I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that I can’t do this alone. And actually, I don’t want to anymore.

One of the biggest things recovery has given me isn’t just sobriety. It’s belonging. It’s connection. It’s having people around me who understand things that I don’t necessarily have to explain.

There’s something quite special about being around people who understand the reality of addiction. You don’t have to pretend you’re doing brilliantly when you’re not. You don’t have to put on a brave face. You can turn up exactly as you are.

And something I’ve come to appreciate enormously is the consistency of this community.

Relationships outside recovery can sometimes be complicated. People come into your life, circumstances change, priorities change, relationships evolve, and sometimes people who were once very close become distant. That’s just life, I suppose.

But what I’ve found here is something different.

People keep turning up. Meetings happen. The phone gets answered. Someone asks how you’re doing and actually wants to know the answer. You can walk into a room having had a difficult week and find familiar faces who are genuinely pleased to see you.

There’s a reliability in that which I don’t take for granted.

I don’t mean that everyone in recovery is perfect, or that relationships here never change. We’re all human. But there’s a shared understanding and a common purpose that gives these connections a different foundation.

And I think that’s incredibly valuable.

I’ve realised that I don’t necessarily need a huge social circle or loads of people in my life. I don’t need to chase connections or try to fit into places where I’m not entirely comfortable.

I’ve got my people.

I’ve got AA, I’ve got the wider recovery community, and I’ve got people through ROAR who understand why this matters so much.

These connections have become a really important part of my life. They’re something I actively want to protect and invest in.

And perhaps the biggest change for me is that I’m no longer looking at recovery as something I’m trying to get through so I can eventually get back to normal life.

This is part of my life now. These people are part of my life now.

I want to keep showing up, keep giving something back, keep learning from other people and, hopefully, be there for someone else in the same way people have been there for me.

Because I know what it’s like to feel isolated in addiction. I know what it’s like to think you’ve got to figure everything out yourself.

And I also know what it’s like to walk into a room and realise you’re not on your own anymore.

That’s what this community has given me.

And honestly, I don’t think I could put a price on that.

These really are my people, and I’m incredibly grateful to be part of it.”