Long Weekend Advice and Support
We know long weekends can be tough - especially when trying to remain abstinent. Here Calum gives some very handy adivce on maintaining your sobriety and James has written a blog with some great tips and tricks!
5 Top Tips For Staying Sober On A Long Weekend by Calum Smith
Whether you’re in the earlier days of your sobriety or have been around the recovery scene for a bit longer, a bank holiday weekend can loom large on the horizon.
As it approaches we’re aware that our routines may be nudged out of sync and a lot of people will be rushing out to hit the pubs and parties wherever we might be.
With that in mind, we’ve prepared our own top 5 tips for staying sober and enjoying the long weekend.
1) Plan Ahead - With an extra couple of days to navigate on a bank holiday weekend, we’ve got more time to fill with clean & sober fun. Having a plan for the weekend or just for each day can help to make sure we don’t end up twiddling our thumbs or in situations where we might not be comfortable. Whether we stick to the plan exactly as we’ve laid it out or move things around as we go, having ideas for things to do and where we want to be is straight in to our 5 top tips.
2) Stay connected - One of the most important tools we have in sobriety is our connection to others which can be invaluable. If you have safe friends & family or others in recovery you can reach out to, it can be a great way to change your mood or get another point of view on a plan or idea you might be sitting with. If you don’t have anything in particular on your mind then we know how nice it can be to get a call just asking how we are, so why not make one?
3) Have an escape plan - With parties and gatherings planned for this weekend all over the country, being invited to events where others are drinking or using becomes more likely than most other weekends. Some of us will know what kind of settings we’re comfortable in and some of us might be just working that out. First things first if you’re not comfortable or unsure, then remember that you don’t have to go and getting a second opinion can be really helpful. If we do attend, then knowing how we can leave quickly and get home safely if the situation changes is key. Having an exit plan in mind before you arrive can make a tricky situation much easier to deal with in the moment.
4) Stick to healthy routines - Whilst the bank holiday weekend can spell changes to some of our routines which are completely out of our control, not everything needs to change. If you have a daily routine which has helped you in your recovery so far, then why let a long weekend get in it’s way? Equally you might find that your regular Saturday & Sunday schedule doesn’t need to change much at all. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!
5) Find the right balance - With potentially lots going on it can be vital that we’re careful to find the right balance between activities or engagements and our down time which is just for us. Listen to your body & mind and remember that whilst feeling down might be a more obvious risk, excitement can be equally dangerous and lead us to acting on emotional impulse. It can never hurt to take a moment to breathe before making a decision. So there we have it, our 5 top tips for enjoying a bank holiday weekend. From the team at ROAR we wish you a Happy Easter and a safe, sober and thoroughly enjoyable weekend. If you have any ideas for future content & events you’d like to see, or would like to volunteer or donate then visit us at www.roarkent.com
The Long Weekend
A blog by James Howard-Cofield
With the bank holiday weekend in full swing, it leads me to consider Time.
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Being nearly 10 months clean seems both the longest, and shortest time. In my first days of recovery, I looked at those around me in groups, Fellowship meetings, and even daily passers-by with a sense of wonder. Thoughts like “How have you managed that?!” , and “I really want to do that!” bounced around my head against a background noise of self-doubt, fear and general feelings of worthlessness.
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I was lucky, in early recovery I was actively engaged in a daily therapeutic programme. Monday-Friday was all sorted. So long as I attended the programme, followed the daily suggestions of my fellowship sponsor, and those activities that arose from both sources, my weekdays and evenings were taken up. Frustrations arose, sure, the temptation to hit the Panic Button and blow it all off surfaced regularly. But I had a framework to refer to. I genuinely couldn’t face a return to the misery of daily using, drinking, torturing myself, and so the programme of activities gave me hope; a reason to remain sober that overcame the impulse to ditch it all. I found parts of myself long forgotten, and wanted to explore them more fully.
And then came the weekend. Freedom to lay in bed, no-one to justify myself to, no impending drug-test (at least for a few days... it’ll be clear by then, right?!), and above all... nothing to do.
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My internal alarm went off. If I have too much time on my hands, I’ll use. If I am out at the shops, what is to stop me from just grabbing a bottle and chugging it by the river?!
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These thoughts hit me like a sucker-punch in a crap bar-fight.
“That’s not fair!!”, “I don’t deserve that!”, and above all “I don’t want that!!!”
So what was I to do??
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It seemed only logical that if Time was the issue, then I should build a programme of events for myself. Ones that required authentication from others, so I had no excuse: I couldn’t get away with it if I had to face others. So I arranged for time with other people, attempted to organise myself to do tasks that I had formerly ignored, ran through those dreams and hopes that I had buried under years of substance use. I guess I was lucky, as I found quite a list of things I had never done before. There I was thinking I had been everywhere, seen it all, done it and burnt the T-shirt!
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I made that phone call to the strange, but friendly and disturbingly happy fellow from the Thursday night meeting. We went for a coffee, and it was actually alright. (We are still firm friends now.) I picked up knitting... well, threw it repeatedly around the room until I consider that it was maybe not for me! I looked into courses online, and found a surprising amount of them free. Apparently, if you make contact with other people, they are in fact quite interesting, and interested in you. That was a shocker, second only to the shock that I quite liked them too. I had always thought myself better than others, and if I wasn’t then they would be better than me, so not interested in my foolish nonsense.
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Time. That has been the key thing in my still early recovery. As it has passed I have learned that using it is one of the greatest tools I have in my trick-box. A long weekend such as this would fill me with dread, but I have learned to use that time for development. Simple things like going for a walk in the woods, or down by the river, where soon the lack of temptations became a joy. Taking the time to have a long bath, shave my face into a different beard configuration, or dye my hair. I found that since I wasn’t spanking money on drugs and booze, I could go to the barbers! I even had some cash for a new pair of jeans. The time spent doing these things distracted me from my gnawing inner voice (that self-sabotaging bugger), and soon I became the reason for not using.
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Odd, as I had always thought that I was the reason To Use! I would revel in the notion that I had to get prepared for any eventuality with a bottle and a nosebag. It turns out that these lies to myself only made me less able to enjoy Time.
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So, over a long weekend such as this I am no longer terrified of Time. I’m keen to explore things that previously I hadn’t. And to see those things that I used to do for what they were.
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Make that phone call, take that walk, find a hobby that you enjoy, and use this Time that is our greatest gift. That gnawing voice telling you “you aren’t worth it”, that voice is a liar.
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As surviving addicts, we have a wealth of experiences to offer to others, and there’s plenty of opportunity to do so. Balancing out these whilst retaining Time For Ourselves, that is the art. And a long weekend such as this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
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It doesn’t matter if you get the knitting wrong. You tried. That long walk got you a bit lost, probably muddy, and quite tired. Who cares? Clothes can be cleaned, rest can be taken. The more I have practised this, the better I have become at some parts, whilst still roundly sucking at others. Again, that doesn’t matter.
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Someone much wiser than I said “ you only fail when you stop trying”, and I remember that, even when trying to sleep!
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Enjoy this long weekend, and fill it with things that quieten the self-sabotaging inner voice. There are relationships to repair, some to abandon, and new ones to make. The most important of those being the one with yourself.
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Stay safe, reach out to those around you (yep, they do give a sh*t actually!), and above all invest in you.
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Right, I’m off before I start to sound like a Loreal advert!
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Enjoy Your Time.